Journal #161
Current mood:  okay

           Lifes been really stressful lately. I'm honestly contemplating leaving my boyfriend. Hes mentally abusive. I can't go one day without him getting pissed off at me. He gets mad at me for litterally everything. He complains about my driving or the way I just natrually am as a person. I'm getting to my breaking point. As of right now I rely on him for income so I can't just leave him whenever he treats me like sh*t. I have to hold on until I can get a regular job again. As of right now my boyfriend is the one bringing in the income not me. It really just all around sucks. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells with him and thats not fair to me. I'm a bad bitch and I deserve better. I've really been thinking hard about this and I think I'm just ready to break up with him. I can't deal with the constant negativity from him. Its emotionally exausting. I can't do anything that I want to do in my own apartment. He controls when I take a shower, how long I hang out with my friends, the list goes on. I'm f***ing sick of it! He threatens to leave me all the time and I honestly don't care if he does anymore. I genuinley don't care. He threatens it so much that I don't care anymore. He thinks that if he leaves and dumps me that I'm going to be all upset and my life is going to suck without him but hes wrong. When I think about being single again it makes me happy. The way I was living before I met my boyfriend wasnt all that bad. Yeah I was poor but at least I wasn't being mentally abused all god damn day. Its really mentally exausting. I plan on leaving him once I get a stable job if he continues to treat me like sh*t. I feel like he can get away with treating me like sh*t right now because he knows I won't leave cuz of bills. If I have an income and I can dump him whenever I feel like it and kick him out into the streets, then maybe he will treat me better. If not, hes out of my life. I do not have to deal with that sh*t. I miss being able to do whatever I want in my own apartment. I can't take a shower without himm being like "Why are you taking a shower right now? Why can't you wait till later?". I f***in hate it. I liked having the company but now I need my space. I get zero space from him because he lives with me and we work together. We are up eachothers asses all the damn time. I need my alone time and I can never get it. Makes me wish I was single again. Being single really isnt that bad of a thing. When your single you don't have to deal with any butllsh*t.